Surviving the Apocalypse

Right now one of my favorite shows on TV is The Walking Dead, if you don't watch it I would suggest catching the fuck up because it is a really good show. But....if you are unfamiliar I will give you the quick run down. Basically what has happened is there is a group of people that are followed on the show, who have survived a zombie apocalypse and are now fighting for survival, and looking for a way out. There is a lot more that goes into it, but I figure that you can paint your own picture. After watching this for quite some time...I have thought to myself, could I survive a zombie apocalypse with the skills and knowledge that I have possessed over the years? I think it's an interesting question and I also believe that a lot of people have thought the same question. If it were me, this is what I would do...

Just assuming that I had a bit of time to prepare...not even a lot, but maybe a news flash that said people were getting their faces ripped off by other people run for your fucking life, so that maybe I had a couple hours to brace myself I would start like this. First and foremost, the obvious things...try to gather with my close friends and family, get as many guns and weapons as possible. Then I would go rob the fuck out a liquor store, followed by a gun store so we could further equip ourselves. Tell everyone to get in a car, pack as much as they can, head to the nearest Sam's Club, and start my fortress there. 

Sam's Club would be the perfect fort! it can hold several people, they have a shit load of food, beds, clothing, literally just about whatever you need. Not to mention that place is big enough to where if shit goes down, you can still make a run for it. For the record, just because it can hold a lot of people...doesn't necessarily mean I would just let any schmuck into the place. I figure once we have the place boarded up and secure, that if people come knocking that they would have to pass qualifications first. If you're fat, automatically out. Not only are you a liability for when we have to run, but you take up a lot of space, and you eat too much, sorry. As for all the women, it depends honestly...you have to promise to only hold/shoot a weapon if you have shot a gun at least 3 times before, and you have to swear on your life that in any situation you will never...and I mean never, drive. We can't afford to making careless mistakes like that, and letting a woman hop in that driver seat is doomed for failure. For everyone else rules vary, if you're wearing Ed Hardy, or Affliction...no, if you can't bring anything positive to the group...no, ginger...no, and if you still dodge all of those problems...then you're probably good. After that a couple rules goes as following...don't be a hero, but also don't be a pussy, live by the motto "he who runs lives to fight another day", which basically means if you're scared get the fuck out of there. Shoot anything dead, and for goodness sake's don't accidentally shoot somebody in the group, that's why I won't have a gun, a pistol at most, but I'm skiddish in certain situation's. I'd prefer to be a leader who carries a beat stick around. These are just some of the simple and basic rules that are required if you want to make it through the zombie infestation. 

In my head I have a vision that I would survive a zombie apocalypse. I think I also take into consideration that   zombie's could only lightly jog at best, rather than the one's on 28 Days Later, who can sprint like a mother fucker. In the end, if things did get too bad...that's why my second order of business was to rob a liquor store, I would have one last hurrah, get wasted, grab the biggest guns I could find, and charge into the battlefield.

p.s there is a tool called the fubar, it is a real thing, and after heavy persuasion from one of my former professors...I am convinced that this is the greatest tool besides a firearm to kill a zombie.